I miss you

I miss you so much, I find myself

In the wee hours of the morning, Blink 182 playing in my head

I wonder how you are doing,

Are you ok?         

 Ok not being the best word but what do I know?

 

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I wish I could call you and hear your voice

Convince myself the lies I feed me will become reality

You’re already the voice inside my head

 

I find myself with these anxiety attacks

When I worry about you,

Are you eating right? Are you sleeping right?

I hope you are, whether next to me or far from me,

I want only that, which will sustain you to surround you

 

She says I obsess over whether you are well,

She won’t let me ask after you from friends

She thinks you control me in ways she can’t

But still with everyday that goes by I worry about you

More so if I don’t get to know that you are well.

 

How sometimes I hear your voice in the wind,

Calling for me, like a silent whisper just in my ear,

Your name chanted over and over, like a reminder that…

I need to know you are well for me to be well.

 

I used to watch you in the throes of your dreams,

The emotions etched on your face, each one a reminder

Of the emotional creature within that hides everything painful

Under layers of skill and years of polishing the act.

 

You spoke to me in my dreams once,

Just a fleeting recollection of all the things achieved and those yet to come

You don’t know it, but I stay up at night and offer silent prayers

And laments of a lost and delirious soul to whoever willing to hear me

Hoping that everything around you falls into place as you see it.

 

You are not patient, I can see it in the way you countdown,

You want things to happen at your pace and time

And sometimes I find myself crossing my fingers for you

That you gain as you wish because disappointment is painful to take

 

The strength behind who you are is based on who you were

One does not understand the full being without seeing them as they were

The reflection of who you will be is behind a veil of half truths

Sometimes I think the hardest for you to admit is what you can see.

 

Yet I hope you will still see the bigger picture.

 

It will take a lifetime to show you

That what you mean to me is above and beyond titles

Not a label in this world can define us and what we have

Try as they may they can never explain

 

They insist its love, they don’t understand what kind

But considering we don’t, do we think they can?

Take it as it is at face value,

I miss you and I love you.

Can a love with no name blossom?