Staying Curious

I remember a time when I was much younger, I was 19 to be exact, easily influenced and constantly finding myself in overwhelming situations but never backing down from them. I would push forward and keep going even when I knew it was the wrong to do. Back then I was struggling with embracing a title; Lesbian.

That was a fun yet strange time in my life. When I was made up of 80% pride, 20% lost and my daily life consisted of weed 35%, 5% alcohol and 45% sex the other 15% was all the other important things I had to do. Life was wonderful then. I was learning what all these terms meant to the people who identified by them not what the dictionary said it was and I was trying to pick one for myself. Many at that time when I was coming out were convinced that this is/was a phase but 4yrs and still counting later, I have to admit the title I chose was the closest thing to what I understood myself to be then and has left a lot unanswered for in the recent years. Now I know what they meant when they said that the title is not important, it’s the person behind that matters.

I had sex when I wanted to and most times even went as far as denying myself because I felt it had to mean more than just a physical fulfillment (foolish child I was? Maybe and maybe not after all, nothing is ever totally wrong, even a clock that has stopped working is right 2 times a day). I had the sweetest ideals in life and it took so little to make me happy. When I had no reason to be worrying about whether I was a good lay or not because I had all the time in the world to learn what I needed to. I was looking forward to my education in the art of sex but it soon became evident that I was not going to learn anything from anyone here but myself because every one wanted someone who was already good (maybe that should say something about me from my never lacking supply ;-p ) so my learning had to wait. It was also at that time that I met so any women who made me curious to other aspects of sex that I desperately wanted to be taught (I still want to learn so if you read this and know of one within Nairobi and its regions, feel free to ask her to get in touch) but had no courage to ask about.  Eventually I went on the internet and got to reading people’s stories.

That was also when I had all these questions about the many girls and woman I had slept with over my lifetime before I ever heard the term coined for us. When I was still so innocent that I had no idea I was doing something wrong. When I learnt it had a name I learnt that I was not to indulge in my joys anymore. I had to start to embrace the changes and I got to have a couple of d***s that were not so bad ( this is where the lesbians will go into a fit about the trueness of my sexuality and all over lezville there will be whispers as to which guy have I ever been seen with, who might I have slept with and am I now a bisexual???? If you want an answer to any of these questions I suggest you keep reading before you call one of my former girlfriends or an ex you might know to brag of how right you were that I am a slut) all this was before I took up any term to define me. Someone I met then told me to test run some of the labels I had heard around and see which I felt fit right with me and I did. The easiest term to explain then was lesbian and there I was in a savanna of hawks, hyenas, antelopes, cheetahs, lions e.t.c, you name it we had them. The ones who believed themselves so good at their game they could cheat and get away with it, all the while not knowing their significant other was getting more head than the pussy they were getting. Those were good old days. When everyone still had loyalties to protect and good sense to keep their traps shut ( I wish those days had carried forward, the current days have me itching to be the bitch who helps you cheat then posts the photos all over the internet just t piss you off) and still we had the ones who cheated and fucked around and actually managed to convince themselves that we didn’t know and still we kept mum about the matters and wondered why shit hit the fan when we couldn’t do it anymore. When we were all literally sleeping with each other. (Thank heavens Todo Sobre had some of her facts wrong, it was going to be bad if she had gotten them all right…For example, how about if she had said how many people have actually been in bed with me and had the names right. Damn, so many would have had to run for cover.) If the women I knew then had not been sweet enough to play backstabbing bitches to each other, we would have never survived with every one bragging about who they were fucking. Then of course we had the bathroom quickies that would have women smiling and sniffing their fingers for hours after and still apparently the “wives” then were not the “wifey’s” of now. Of course they weren’t, the “wifey’s” of now are the ones who were up to those same tricks then. I assure you, the reason why mamas in Lezville get busted is because they pull the shit that we were pulling back then. Only we were the ones getting quickies, the other women and ultimately the bitches who all the ‘happy in a relationship mamis’ hated. Yes, once upon a time I was one of those women.

Then came those times when I was having a hard time accepting the title and for a while I went the bisexual way which taught me it’s the idea of dick I love and not the actual item itself. But still I would find myself going out to get that painful dose of sex I dreaded and left me in pain because I was looking for something I didn’t know I could get.

I admit, the bisexual phase was abit of a disappointment, am not really a fan of all that 2 timing crap, I feel like its ‘cramping my style?’…But I got something interesting in the fire works of my mind some months ago and I have been going out of my way to take a few doses of it till I figure that I have had enough.

lets pop a bottle of bubbly

 to a new beginning and to this blog that for the next couple of posts and hopefully for much longer to come will give my story of self acceptance and me embracing that am different and no title can define me in entirety. Change is the only constant in my life and this will be my voice to express it

 (my advice though…) don’t drink up just yet!!!!…(P.S. Am starting a new project for open minded people like myself and I need help, so maybe I will share my ideas on the coming posts and you can tell me what you think?!?)