the boy...

I have learnt very important lessons from lezville over the years but the one that has stuck the most is that bisexuals and straight girls who fuck women are a major bone of contention with the self proclaimed lesbians.I call them self proclaimed because nobody can declare another anything they are not.It’s funny how much of an issue it is in lezville if you call yourself a lesbian yet you have/can/are having sex with a man.So with the threat of being banished from lezville,I want to be honest and talk about the boy…

I mentioned the boy in my last post and mentioned his pursuing me…(strange I know)but I love the attention he gives me.He knows just when I want to hear how beautiful I am and when I want to be held and when I need an ear to rant and rave at,he is there(too bad he takes everything I say so seriously)that’s his greatest fault…so far!I find myself strangely attracted to the boy and all his antics to get at me.He said something that got me on a self destructive path…he said he wants to get to know me intimately before it ever gets physical…anyone who knows me,knows I take that to be a challenge or a set-up so I went out of my way to ensnare him(the bad girl in me couldn’t hack being nice)and it worked.But the idea was to get him off my back…shock on my awesome self,it made him want me even more and now he thinks that we could have a future(which reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend this morning and they wanted to know what dating means…in Kenya,its essentially being in a relationship while to my friend it means going out on dates without the relationship bit…(maybe I should use that as my understanding of what the boy wants,playing daft might help me))I like this boy because most times he can read my thoughts accurately and has a way of making me smile and blush even when am mad as hell…but he is a boy.I think I like all this about him because I cant seem to get myself to think of any woman like that (it’s the curse of past love that has to drift with time)…this is the crazy bit,one minute I really want him and am actually considering all that and the next I don’t even want him to touch me.my heart is not in it and my body and mind cant fathom making that change (not that my mum  would mind if I did…and society would be so much happier) but its more of a desperate need to be loved than it is a need to love…does anything I say ever make sense?