A step into insanity

So,I have been having a certain problem over the years but sometimes I consider it a blessing.At first it was all sexual then I would either walk away or stay to know them better but now I need to know them better before I think of them sexually so am going to try out a certain experiment soon to figure out if I can reverse this process again,I liked the old system better, only one little flaw, I need to find a way to separate the sex from everything else.I was trying to count all the women i have slept with since i could remember and i wondered how come (I know i started out early), but all the same, how come initially i would find it so much easier to fuck and walk away than i do now? Why all the emotional strings? And then it dawned on me that the threads have all been in my head.If it hadn't been, i would have at least 15exes and lots more drama than i can think of...So i decided to go over the women i have slept with in the last year and a half that have shaken up my world enough to make me think, "i want to keep getting me some of that" and here i am...Am going to try my level best to make them anonymous, after all, they all claimed that they don't kiss and tell...

For quite sometime i had a lady on my mind.She had tried to vybe me some time ago and I went under the radar (yes, it is a diversion technique when i don't know how to say no) and we didn't talk for sometime.Then suddenly we were talking and getting friendly again and we got dragged back to the past and how she had told 'my friend' how much she liked me and i pretended all this was so important until she finally kissed me when i was sober (did i mention her girlfriend who almost drove me to just give in with all the unnecessary threats and bullshit?)...Glad to say, i never let her anywhere near my punani...Despite the rumors that someone started...

Then there was the girl i let play with it for a night when i was drunk and horny and that was amazing...When i was still drunk.Tried it when i was sober and i was left asking myself why i went after it but still i couldn't get myself to not try again because its just what i need for miss Cee and then i realized what puzzled me about it, What the hell happened to foreplay???

Then there was the other girl that i loved eating out n she was worth the time and effort.She made me horny and just having her cum in my mouth was a gift enough...

Then the one with the worst breath i have ever smelt on a woman.She made me gag every time she leaned in to kiss me and i was just not going to try that....
Lets see who i left out...there was the threesome with 2 people i considered friends that didn't have any form of pleasure for me except maybe that i finally got to taste that which i had never had the courage to ask for (although i have to honest, i don't think she enjoyed it much either). I think i sex best when am sober so this drunken fits of let's all fuck need to stop (not so sure about this...but a girl can try...riiigght?).
Then there was that time that the girls were all home and i was extremely horny (sometimes it feels like i will die if i don't get laid soon) and i got the quickie from someone i had wanted so badly for so long and lost all interest in her immediately after that...
There was i guy if i remember correctly, he had me thinking all sexual with a guy for the first time in such a looooong time but that led nowhere (except for the last post which was all fiction) and that just seems to bring the whole of them to rest....
Oh wait, there was Bella who was alright,that was fun while it lasted...
And before i forget, Joy, who i had the pleasure of fibbing that the sex was so off the hook i wanted some to remind me how good it was(am so glad that didn't happen,it would have been so AWKWARD) plus all the time i was declaring her such a good lay, i knew she was sleeping with a friend...yes, i admit i was Jealous!
Now to the real reason why i wrote this post, the nameless girl plaguing my dreams,making sure i wake up soaking every night, wanting to wank but not having the energy or even the syke to, wanting only her but not having her...
And in the process of having this monologue, i have just realized i don't like having random sex with a random stranger (not all random strangers are good lays), I have made an investment in most of my connections, i make friends, don't have sex with them immediately and let the idea or prospect marinate in my head before i do or don't...And truly, the best are the ones that have marinated the longest!

I know someone is bound to ask what brought this up, so, here is the answer, D got married and am really happy for her (as in am seriously, genuinely happy that she is happy)  which got me thinking about my sex life and lack of a love life(i don't mind the lack of it so much, makes life easier).And i realize am doing fine (thank heavens, was scared i would have to break down and mope for a while).

P.S ; Just What I Needed IS Fiction...every girl needs an imagination!