Differences

In line with staying curious, I made a couple of choices that made some changes in my life and today I made a physical change. I have always used my hair to express different stages in my life and what I’m going through at that point in time. Today I finally dreadlocked my hair and much as it will be a major improvement from having to comb my hair everyday, am doing this as an exercise in persistence, perseverance and as a physical representation of a psychological and emotional change in myself. The progress of my hair will reflect in the progress of the decisions I am making.

That aside, the last two weeks or so have been a lesson in patience and saying I want. Its been a while since I last let myself get carried away by the moment but of late I have been living in the moment. Enjoying things as they come, taking my time to acknowledge beauty and appreciate it. Looking at all the differences in the people around me and seeing how they make them who they are. It took me admitting what and who I was to myself to fully appreciate what it was that I had been denying myself for so long.

I got to spend some time with people of the same school of thought as I and to hear people of a different mind speak. All in all, it has been a great time and I will try to tell as much of it as I can without making the people involved uncomfortable.

I should start with the man who got me on the right track in the first place. A man after my heart in the only way that should count or matter would be my description of him. He led me through an education that took months to understand (I know you think I didn’t know all that time talking was for educational purposes but I did.) and even more time to attempt to express what I had learnt.

I learnt a lot about my body, how strong a threshold for pain I have and how good it feels to know that I can manipulate specific people into giving me what I want (power is addictive, not the best of traits either but very sexy in a situation that you know what you want.  I also learnt that pain during sex was an amazing thing. Not just having it inflicted, but inflicting it too (My sore ass was a clear indication of how good it could be). And the top three lessons I learnt were;

Lesson 1:

If you want it you can have it, all you have to do is ask for it (it doesn’t work all the time but so far so good, lets hope my luck persists). This was learnt when I spent time with some friends, new and old and I got an opportunity to do something I had always wanted to do but had never gotten the actual courage to do. All it took was (if I remember correctly) crossing the first hurdle which was saying what I wanted and then asking if I could have it. That was a worthwhile experience, even took it as far as a couple of tosses in the hay which were totally and utterly worth the time and the fear of rejection that bore no fruit. (I still want me more of that but I think am fresh out of courage where she is concerned. am too chicken to pick up my phone and call. Is this what they call after-sex jitters?)

Lesson 2:

I can do anything I want and get away with it as long as it does not affect anyone around me negatively. In this case am referring to sex. As long as it’s between two consenting adults, I have no reason to get paranoid and freak out. Their sexual orientation becomes irrelevant at that point and even gender is just a matter of formality. We are so many people in the world and we cant be answerable to anyone as much as we are answerable to ourselves. I have listened to many an argument that the rules that govern society are here to help, but I keep wondering, how does a majority rules mindset prove that what the majority says is right? The majority could always be wrong so am not going with any rules that are not for the better of all mankind. I can do bad all by myself, I don’t need the majority or the minority to help me in that area. So maybe lesson 2 should read, Fuck the majority and minority!

Lesson 3:

Not all ideas that sound amazingly good in your head are smart ideas. Some are really dumb and cant be helped in any way and just because you convince yourself its ok doesn’t mean it is. I did something really stupid and I suddenly wish I hadn’t. I thought telling one of the people I was sleeping with about sex with someone else (seeing as we weren’t actually dating or looking forward to having anything more than sex, id didn’t see the big deal) and the reaction I got made me realize why they say what they don’t know cant hurt you.

So far, those are the three main lessons I have learnt, but the most important lesson I have learnt is that there should be no rules where sex (as long as your consenting adults and your not in a monogamous relationship) between friends and strangers is concerned (except maybe that you should use condoms and do not go down on a stranger).

It’s been an educative couple of weeks and better still a fun time to be me. I look forward to the coming weeks with the exception of my greatest fear coming true and me losing the one thing I have taken so long to acquire.

In the end, let us all keep in mind that our differences make up the indvidual and the only way we can all be happy together is if we choose to make a difference for the better of all of us.