I saw her from across the room the first day and I couldn't stop myself from staring. I would find myself seeking her out every so often and the flutter in my stomach everytime I caught her eye or smile made me wonder if this was going to be trouble.
I should have followed my anxiety and kept my distance but I have an affinity for courting trouble.
I couldn't avoid her, I was like a moth drawn to a flame, a magnet constantly being pulled and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist the burn. The sting always sharp and felt only by me. I was a goner before I even made contact.
I told only one person about this crush that felt more like a crash. It's a thrill to like someone who doesn't know you like them but the thrill is also a frustration.
My mouth would water when she was close and my hands would be itching to touch. Thank heavens for the lack of privacy or I would have had the longest week of my life.
Then it happened. I had her, right there within arms reach and I wanted her so bad my anxiety made the butterflies so bad. My heart was pounding and I cursed every god that had let me get these stupid ass long nails. Now the nails were going to cost me my greatest craving. Then I thought, you know what? The alcohol is already a hindrance.
But she pushed and offered herself to me like a feast. I could have just agreed to share the feast but am a jealous, greedy and needy fool.
In conclusion, I don't know if I truly ate my fill. I don't know why the anxiety has only gotten worse since then and if I did partake, could I please have seconds?!?
I want a re-run without the inhibitions of alcohol and more time to show her how good and fulfilled she can be.
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