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Monday, March 14, 2011

how i first screwed up...

Thinking about it now i have no reason in particular why i did what i did,i just know i did...
Have i told you yet how amazing D was?She was awesome and i loved her to heaven and back.But i was still trying to figure out if i was going or staying or if i even really wanted her...(i did but i have knack for contradicting everything i think so that i have lee way to fuck myself over...am really fucked up in case you didnt know)
Anyway,i was really getting interested in a certain chic and it was entirely sexual or atleast thats what i kept telling myself...but truth be told,i really had no interest in the girl except maybe getting to know her as she had fucked one of my really close friends and she had kept going back for more and i wanted to know why...
Honestly,the day i went to see that girl,i had this nagging feeling that i was going to get laid but me being me i wanted to prove to myself that nothing could happen...yeah right,i really wanted to know what it would be like so i got dressed for the occasion...This girl got me stoned and as i listened to her talk i wondered why i was going to let an under 18 touch me when i had my woman at home....but i did...i was so horny and expected so much that when it wasnt delivered i blamed myself for being too demanding...
I got home that evening and i knew without needing to think about it that i loved D...the guilt gnawed at me for days until she finally confronted me about it.Our sex life had actually suffered.I didnt want to touch her without telling her what i had done and i didnt want to kiss her with a girl i didnt want on my mind...so i actually accepted what i had done after lots of denying of course...
When she left me,i was devastated and told myself if it wasnt her then it was no woman at all...(it sounds cliche but if you have fallen in love you know this to be a fact)...so i decided to try the male side of things,that stint ended the day it started...thanks to my ever faithful lesbian self i saw the folly of those thought soon enough and tried to come up with a way to win her over again...dont ever let anyone tell you that there is a set way of taking care of such matters because trust me there,there isnt one...what everyone told me was diffeerent and nothing worked and till today i still have no clue as to how and why she actually came back to me...I tried asking a couple of times but she thought i was being ungrateful and wanted her to leave me so i just gave up asking about her reasons and enjoyed that she had come back into my life....

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