how we got into a long distance relationship...

This is such a long story i will try to shorten it as much as possible...
After i royally screwed up,and she forgave me,i thought things would go back to what they had been but i was gravely mistaken for a time.We fought incessantly,i was always scared she would pay me back and i knew i didn't have it in me to just let her go...I remember at one point we almost broke up and even decided to take a break so that we could individually sort out the messes that were our lives.But i ended the break before the set time...(what better way to realize how much someone means to you than a bit of space and distance?).I was a nervous wreck until we actually managed to put it all behind us then things got better and we were closer than ever.We talked incessantly as usual and developed a bond that most who knew us could not understand.My days begun and ended with her and when we got two of our closest friends to hang out with us almost all the time,anyone would have thought it was a dream come true...but not for me.
Honestly,am the very demanding of my lovers attention type and from the 1st day we had to hang out together,i would have to  keep pinching myself and going to the loo to give myself a pep talk on manners of a lady.I constantly wished they would vanish and went so far as to find ways for them to be unavailable when 'we' wanted to hang out all because i knew how crazy it would sound if i told D (the woman of my dreams) that i didn't want to share her but as time went by,i got her more and more to myself and i was happy for a time...but am a restless spirit that cant sit around and enjoy.I knew i was treading on dangerous grounds every time i opened my mouth to say something about a friend to either of us but i just couldn't help looking for trouble (imagine loving such a woman)...looking back i realise i had all the tendencies of a psychopath with their object of desire...I remember during this time as well we actually broke up but i just couldn't walk away from this sickness that seemed to affect every part of me so i got her back...
Anyway,the closer we got the better things got...it was like the proverbial calm before the storm...I can never forget that fateful Friday,she called and as usual i dropped everything i was doing to see her.we sat and talked and she told she no longer had a job.Recalling the feeling,it was like the walls i had steadily built around us were not even crumbling,they were being bulldozed down.I have always deemed myself a woman of great strength but later that day,making love,i think my strengths had been stretched to the limit i broke down and mourned like it was the greatest loss i had experienced so far.She held me in her arms and i have never felt so safe and complete than at that moment in time i never wanted to leave her arms.it was like even with all the emotions we had going through us,we didn't want to be anywhere else at that time and moment.We said so much to each other in the hours just lying there in each others arms...
In the next couple of weeks that followed,she decided to venture out of Kenya to find a job and i will be a liar if i say i was for the idea but i had gone through enough to know that when people feel they need to do something,let them do it.I was the supportive girlfriend till the last minute and of course the constant breaking down and wanting to spend every waking moment with her almost drove me nuts...I remember the last weekend in the country,we walked from the supermarket to the house at night eating ice cream and just talking...i wonder if i should write this here...anyway...i think it was Sunday and we were seated in a room whose floor was covered in clothes and suitcases that still weren't packed trying to get the packing done when she told me she loved me and always would.my heart skipped a couple of beats and i just couldn't hold back the tears when she took my hand in hers and pierced a finger just enough to draw blood and suck it,made me believe in the impossible...i wondered if my heart would burst with all the emotions (clearly it didn't)...I was hooked and nothing could tear me from her...The week she was leaving,we sat at gee-van-gee and just talked...writing this am consumed with flashbacks of us then and how mush faith we had in us...saying good bye everyday was like a final good bye just never saying it out loud...And she left for her greener pastures...