No Regrets?!?

These words have been screaming in my head the whole weekend and i wasnt sure what exactly to write but i think the dreams i have been having of late will give me some insight.
They say dreams are a reflection of our subconscious thoughts and of late mine have been exactly that.I keep having these nightmares with the same basic teaching just different settings.but my reason for sitting to write today is a dream i had a couple of days ago that i cant seem to stop thinking about.In this dream,D and I were in a car and i have no idea whose car it was and she was driving and at some point i was driving (please note i dont know how to drive) and we ran into some trouble in the slum we were driving through and i took a wrong turn to get away and she kept pointing out how am incapable of doing anything right and we stopped at some shop that sold food and so many other things(weird i know and makes no sense) but i got out and asked for a cigarrete and she told me she was calling someone to come save her and i looked at her and wanted to cry because i knew who she was calling and i knew she was doing it to prove to me that i was worth nothing to her and to make feel as unworthy as i was and just as i lit the cigarette,i woke up sobbing and trembling...And my first thought was to call her and just hear her voice but i didnt.Am not an interpreter of dreams but i know this dream is a manifestation of the things i have been drumming into my head of late.The need to keep reminding myself that am not worth it if she left and i deserve all i got is what gives me the strength to let her go and not try fighting for her.but thats what am saying to myself while deep down inside all i want to do is prove to her that we can make this work.
But seeing as that will not happen in this century,i came up with a  new way of handling the situation in a more appropriate manner.
I have thought about the last year of my life incessantly and i realise i have no regrets.My mother who was never a champion of my very gay self actually opened my eyes to something before she left the country for her holiday,if you have no regrets then it was worth it all she said.And for the first time in my life actually said that whether i chose to love a woman or a man,whether she approved it or not i had her blessings and prayers.coming from my mother whom i have had a very complicated relationship with,i broke down and for the first time confided in her about all that i feel and want and she just sat there and held me and let me cry.I hear people say that crying makes them feel better but i didnt feel any better.
I have no regrets about marrying D...that was a lesson i needed to learn the hard way.I dont regret the many things i put myself through for her to just love me,i dont even regret how she broke my heart plenty of times because even as she broke it,i knew she would be the one to mend it all over again.But that doesnt mean i have no regrets,i did so many things wrong the first time round that i wish i didnt but it takes experience to teach where there was no teacher available.People have asked me over and over why i wont give anyone else a chance to make me happy and i never have an answer but right now i know why.i have heard that am too young to know better but i dont think that a heart that loves knows age or limitations so am taking all the negativity i have been feeding myself and making it positive.I might have thought this was the end of my searching but it was just another stepping stone...My biggest regret is that i couldnt keep her happy or by my side.but as for loving her,pretend as i may i know that i always will love her and even if i love another,it will never be like i loved her so to be true to me,i have no regrets!