sometimes.

Sometimes i cant help myself

and i sit and stare at the wall

but all i see is a vision of you

you and me how it was meant to be

Sometimes i curl up in bed

and i cry...like you are dead

and i realize in some way you are

dead to me like never before

Sometimes i break down and cry

and find myself calling your name

and am not sure why it burns

but am glad in those tears is my healing

Sometimes i look at photos

of you and some of me

but mostly of us together

and i curse that i cant fight for you

Sometimes i want to fight

for what i thought would last

what i believe should have been

but i realise illusions can be delusions

Sometimes i wish you well

and pray for your health and joy

then i remember the pain you caused

and i just wish i didn't care as much as i do

Sometimes i dream of what would have been

and all the eggs that i counted before they hatched

and i think maybe i jinxed it

but i realise if it had meant as much to you,we would still be

Sometimes i forget that its over

and find myself writing i love you

and suddenly it comes flooding back

and i stop mid sentence to contemplate

Sometimes i try to think about you

as you  were when i first loved you

and i realise you changed and can never

again be the woman that i loved

but its all just sometimes....