Wanting...what about getting?

This is the part of me that doesn’t understand why I cant get everything I want when I want it…

I can call this a confession of sorts based on a very longtime of knowing someone and wanting them so bad that I dreamt up our first time together multiple times never having the same story line. This is not one of those fantasies, this is a story that only she can attest to.

In the spirit of honesty, the first time is a bit of a blur (except when I asked if I could kiss her and how the sex started…and ended. The details in between are sketchy, but considering the amount of whiskey and rum I had in my system, I don’t think I can be blamed. Plus, I remember seeing people at some point in the night and being told how loud I was screaming so I had to assume there must have been a world of good about it (I lie, how does a girl forget sex with a sexual fantasy?)back to the story at hand, the first time is a bit of a blur (or so I convince myself before I go in for a round two.)

The next time we had sex was so totally and utterly…I don’t have a word for it (the it is not the sex, it’s the word to describe the mood and feel of the atmosphere). Anywaaaay, the second time was much more engrained in my system (I didn’t even think that was possible). I would love to put this in form of a wild sex tale but I don’t have the energy to turn myself on, not wank and still sleep a full night of beauty sleep, keeping in mind its 1.55 Am as I write this.

I love a woman who can take as much pain as I can give, and that is rare to find, I know my penchant for pain is dangerous, but I cant do without it since I discovered it. But here was a woman who got equally as turned on as I did when I took one breast in my mouth and sucked on it hard, pinching and grazing my teeth painfully on her nipple and when I pulled it to the point when she couldn’t take it, she had actually taken as much as I could give. She would spank me and I would have to hold my breath as I tried to clear my mind enough to stop feeling myself sink into a bottomless abyss of joy clouded with enough pain to take kinky to a whole new level. The sensations were intense for me (as for her, I can’t speak much, I would not want to blow my own trumpet just to discover it was not what I thought it was)

She did the one thing I wish every woman would give me enough of. I love doggy that has this slutty kinky kind of edge to it, the kind of sex that makes sure when your done you need a steaming hot shower or you will be sore for weeks. It was the kind of sex that would have most of the lesbians I know calling the fucker Domina (now you know my secret, I want intense sex with a kinky air to it…or maybe its kinky sex with an intense air to it).

But the best bit for me was being on the giving end. I don’t think I can enjoy anything more than that. I love responsive women and the nastier (without being PG 40) the language the hornier I get. And this woman was truly the responsive type. For every obscenity I had, she gave as good as she got. For every pain inflicting jab I took at her, she had one equally as grand to give back and I loved it to a point of whimpering and I couldn’t stop smiling and giggling on my own on the street, in a bus or even in a conversation that had nothing to do with her. (I think it’s not her, it’s more the sex…) It was good while it lasted.

I have been telling myself I shouldn’t go back there, but am beginning to think it would be mind blowing if I did. After all, I have all these nasty things I want to do to her in my mind, why let them go to waste? Am just wondering, how do I initiate this again?